Rod Dreher writes on resisting grace, and quotes Sir Kenneth Clark:
I lived in solitude, surrounded by books on the history of religion, which have always been my favorite reading. This may help to account for curious episode that took place on one of my stays in the villino. I had a religious experience. It took place in the church of San Lorenzo, but did not seem to be connected with the harmonious beauty of the architecture. I can only say that for a few minutes my whole being was irradiated by kind of heavenly joy, far more intense than anything I had known before. This state of mind lasted for several months, and, wonderful though it was, it posed an awkward problem in terms of action. My life was far from blameless: I would have to reform. My family would think I was going mad, and perhaps after all, it was a delusion, for I was in every way unworthy of receiving such a flood of grace. Gradually the effect wore off, and I made no effort to retain it. I think I was right; I was too deeply embedded in the world to change course. But that I had “felt the finger of God” I’m quite sure, and, although the memory of this experience has faded, it still helps me to understand the joys of the saints.
Dreher explains: “Many people find comfort in telling themselves that they would believe in God if only they would have an experience of the numinous. But this is not true, or at least is true far less often than you might suspect.”